“I felt so lonesome, all of a sudden. I almost wished I was dead.”

I remember being the prime age of 5, a youngster, with my cousin who’s only a year younger. We spent a lot of time together, and being mischievious kids, we often got in trouble with our aunts.

At some point, my cousin got a hold of my aunt’s night cream for anti-wrinkles and we geniuses thought it was a toy and we scooped a huge amount from the container and dropped it on ourselves and lathered it. My aunt, realizing that the house was too quiet and without the two little rascals in sight, suspected that we were doing something we weren’t supposed to do.

She eventually found us sitting on the restroom counter covered in yellow cream.

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swap the pb with night cream and that was my little cousin

After our grandma and aunt cleaned us up and gave us a lecture, we went on about and I distinctly remember chanting in my mind, “Oh my God, she’s gonna tell mom when she comes to pick me up” And that was exactly what she did.

When I was in the car with my mom and my cousin, it was absolutely silent with the exception of the quiet humming of the engine.

“What were you thinking??” she asked me in chinese

In that moment, I felt like Holden when he was asked about the fight. I felt so alone, even though my cousin was also responsible for it. Because I was the older one and that she asked me, I had to come up with some valid excuse.

I looked out the car window and stared mindlessly outside as if the most interesting thing in the world was right in front of my face.

I didn’t give her an answer.